Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of MLBlogs.com; I come to you now with great humility and regret. After weeks of careful consideration and deliberation with my attorneys, advisers and family, I have decided to come clean.
I, William Scott Lentz of Reading, Pennsylvania, am guilty of using performance enhancing substances…
I know. I know.
“How could you?” you may say. “How could you tarnish yourself?”
While my original blog featured on the front page of MLBlogs.com last November was clean, I must plead guilty to using performance enhancers in December of 2008.
When I wrote “The Best Idea I Ever Had… Maybe” where I suggested Donovan McNabb join the Phillies bullpen, I tested positive for… gulp… SPELL-CHECK. I don’t know what I was thinking, it was just the pressure of the moment I suppose. I hadn’t written a blog in weeks and I knew that if I didn’t post soon, I may be lost in MLBlogosphere obscurity. The blog started off well, but in the second full paragraph I tackled the word “arbitration” which I butchered. So I paniced. I right clicked on the word and selected the correct spelling, a spelling – I must sadly admit – that was not my own.
It doesn’t stop there.
A few days later when I posted “C-C-C-Ya Real Soon!” I was on a kick. My McNabb blog drew critical acclaim and I liked the feeling, so I asked Jose Canseco to grease my keyboard with a thin layer of vasoline so my fingers could type faster and thereby allow me to blog faster. The post went by like a blur and before I knew it, it was posted. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. I was just lucky I convinced Canseco to leave me out of his next book. Don’t ask me how I did it.
It all just happened so fast.
My third and final “enhanced” post was the fatal “Everything Baseball Should Be: And Everything Baseball Is Not.” At this point, I was so engulfed in the ways of dishonest blogging I had no idea which way was up. I took all of my blog-rage out on the Yankees who were an easy target at the time. The blog was full of vasoline-enduced rants and spell-checking that allowed me to use words such as ‘allegiance’ and ‘romanticised.’ Words I would have never been able to spell naturally. And – as much as it pains me to say – the meatball line is from Seinfeld.
I am a fraud and I have put myself to shame. I’m embarrassed for myself, I’m embarrased for the Yankees and I’m embarrassed that I just stole another line; this time from Don Zimmer.
I must apologize to all of my fans. You all had faith in me and I let you down. I would like to announce that I will spend the remainder of my blogging career educating young writer about the dangers of spell-check. Children: ‘spell-check’ is unnatural so rely on your own spelling talents and do not take the easy way out.
I must also apologize to Jane, the most prominent member of Yankee-nation. I should not have taken out my blogging rage out on the Bronx-bombers and I am truly sorry. Let this be a lesson to you… Vasoline kills people.
Mark my words dear blogging friends, my resolve has never been higher than it is on this day. My blogging career is far from over and I promise you I will spend the rest of it proving to you that I can blog clean. You may see a few more spelling errors and a few less alliterations, but darn it, it’ll be clean. Have faith in me!
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understand that I am an idealist and as such I can sometimes be accused of
being a bit naive. I may look at situations and see the issues that most of us
miss, but I assure you, I ignore nothing.
Last week I made the best case I possibly could for Mark McGwire’s Hall-of-Fame
vote. It’s not easy with all of the speculation surrounding him, but instead of
denying that he took steroids (because I have no idea if he did or didn’t) I
tried to analyze what is and is not a legitimate reason for voting someone into
the Hall-of-Fame. I pointed out that we are not criminal investigators and even
though we think we may know everything about a steroid user, I don’t think we’ve
even scratched the surface.
As much as I
love baseball, I am willing to let a one or two time steroid user off the hook;
even if that steroid user is a legend or a potential “Hall-of-Famer.” Most of
us writing about sports will never understand what it’s like to compete at that
level and I don’t think anyone who doesn’t has the right to call any of them
cheaters. Sometimes professional athletes resort to drastic measures and make
mistakes. They’re not perfect just like we aren’t perfect, and I don’t think its
right to hold them to such impossible standards.
That aside, I think I did a pretty good job. I may not have changed anyone’s
minds about the slugger but at least I made my case and I got my point across.
What more could a writer ask for?
morning, however, I wake up at a crisp 7:45AM to a SportsCenter report that
Mark McGwire’s brother, Jay, is trying to publish a book about Mark’s alleged
steroid/HGH use. Needless to say, the brothers are not on speaking terms.
like this, I am glad I do not have a brother. Sisters are better anyway. (She’s mine!)
comes from a town which has been aptly named “The City of Brotherly Love.”
Growing up, I was always taught it was unforgivable to do something negative to
your family. We fight just like every family fights but it has never resulted
in anything beyond a week or two of the cold shoulder.
should be absolutely ashamed of himself for so many reasons right now, I don’t
think there is enough room on the MLBlogosphere for me to write it all.
all, he is following in Jose Canseco’s footsteps as a whistle-blower (they’re
not worthy of being called ‘authors’) who just wants some money. So they
publish a collection of pages bound together (they’re not worthy of being
called ‘books’ either) that basically point fingers in every direction until
someone end up getting a phone call from congress.
all, the fingers are all pointed directly at his brother Mark.
I understand, Jay, that you might be a little
bit jealous of your bigger bro. After all, he
had a career and no one even heard of you until this morning. I know I didn’t.
But that’s no reason to play the blame game and basically destroy what was left
of your brother’s image.
I don’t know
the degree of validity Jay McGwire’s accusations have and I don’t care. If they
are proven true, I don’t really have a leg to stand on when I argue for his
Hall-of-Fame vote other than ‘1998 saved baseball,’ but that isn’t much. If
they are proven false then it confirms that people will do absolutely anything
for a quick buck, even if it means tarnishing the reputation of your own
Jay McGwire committed a crime that even some of the worst serial killers wouldn’t